Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Reasons I should quit dating while I'm ahead.

...er behind.

This is going to be one of those awkward posts I'm infamous for. 
Notice I have this post labeled "ridiculous."
A huge sorry to any of these gems that still tune into my blog on the reg. You shoulda known what you were getting yourself into dating a blogger!

I'm only 21, but it may be time for me to retire.

Exhibit A: Shane P.
Yes, you read that right. My freshman year of college I dated another Shane P. It was confusing disastrous to say the least. My friends started calling me by my horrendous middle name: Holtby. Can you imagine if we got married and had the EXACT same name? Bound to fail.
Lesson: Never date a kid with the same name as you.
Exhibit B: Scott
Lesson: Never date a kid with the same name as your father. It can only lead to awkward situations.
ie. Texting "Hey, if you get home early, I'm in the bath tub" to the WRONG Scott in your contact list. #oops #sorrydad
Exhibit C: Matt & Matt.
Lesson: Never date a kid with the same name as your long-term ex from high school.
Also, don't invite said ex to your 21st birthday party. He will end up taking tequila shots with your mother.

Exhibit D: This tends to be a thing.
Now onto some deeper sh*t (okay not really)
Voyage of the Mee Mee
1. How do you have a closet full of clothes yet "nothing to wear"? And why must you have "one in every color"?
2. Is it necessary to instagram everything you eat and every Starbucks beverage you drink? On a related note,  Is it really necessary to tweet vague song lyrics or caption your instagram pics with irrelevant quotes? 

3. Don't worry, I've done this a million times. Typical macho man statement, when all is about to go terribly wrong.
4. Yeah, she turned all psycho. I just couldn't deal.

5. What is the mass appeal in Target?
6. What's the point of Pinterest? Justification: It's electronic hoarding without the clutter. You know you're a pin-aholic when you realize you've double and triple pinned some crafts, recipes, what have you.
If only all men would follow Ryan's lead... wishful thinking...

7. How does a tanning bed work? Do you like get naked? No you wear a parka...
8. Why must girls travel to the bathroom in wolf packs? An interesting phenomena, even I don't understand.

9. Are you gonna eat the rest of that? The answer is always yes...have you met me?
Same goes for my drinks. Hands off.

10. Why do nice guys always end up getting friend zoned?
11. Do we have to celebrate Valentine's Day?
12. Do you have to take off old polish before you put new on?  Really though? Is that a serious question?

Men are #clueless
Props to this gem for putting up with my most recent SHANE-anigans.
Bottom line: Men will never understand all the Shit girls love.
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Emilie said...

This totally made my day!
Yeah... Boys suck. Men, though, I hear they are great. It's just too bad they're very very rare/extinct ;)

The Rachael Way said...

Love this post! It's so trueeeeee guys suck but you got yourself a hottie. xo

Charlene Maugeri said...

This post is perfect! haha And so true. Sometimes I just want to slap my husband for the stupid things he says. They just don't get it.

Samantha M said...

Hahaha that was great xx

AwesomelyOZ said...

Lol this is funny because it's true. Men will never understand - my boyfriend calls me crazy everyday, in an endearing manner because that makes it better. Either way I laugh because he's dating a crazy ;) Happy Tuesday Shane! -Iva

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

omg the boyfriend and your dad having the same name - never!! it would be so weird :)

Vodka and Soda

Whitney Alison said...

Oh jeeze. I'd never date a Rick. Although my ex did end up with the nickname 'Ricky' from me...which got weird. Lol love this post!

Bailey @ Becoming Bailey said...

I try not to bring up any of my ex's on the blog because I just think "What was I thinking?!"

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

Oh god... the same name as your dad?! You're lucky that was the only text he got!!! hahaha
"5. What is the mass appeal in Target?" I mean... what ISN'T the appeal?! ;)

Brittany Fry said...

Oh my gosh I love this!!! I am trying not to LOL while reading this at work (;

Lauren Elizabeth said...

At least Ryan Gosling understands everything :)

Miss Riss said...

The Target thing is the story of my life! I don't understand the bathroom thing either but I'm totally one of those girls!! "Wanna come to the bathroom with me?!" Hahaha!

Rambling Hermit said...

Now I want to go to Target. LOL

Alisha @ The Alisha Nicole said...

Lol girl imagine how I feel at 25..dating STILL sucks! And I JUST left Target and bought everything but the nail polish remover I went in there for lol

Jetsettin Daisy said...

The sad part is... Last time I was at Target I really did buy a bunch of cardigans and it still wasn't enough...

B said...

My ManFriend who claims to be "older and wiser" insists that "all" women are crazy... well at least 90% of them. When asked to define "crazy" there is a long pause and the response, "I dunno they do crazy crap and guys don't have a choice but to jump ship." Never an example. Oddly enough I've found all men named Chris are crazy... so maybe he's not too far off. lol

Keep it Sassy and Classy,

2justByou said...

I had SO much fun reading this post! If you quit dating, you wouldn't be able to share such an awesome post like this, would you? Love it. =0)

The Girl who Loved to Write said...

And what we learn from this is that you should never ever date a blogger if you're not prepared to accept the public consequences ;)

Cody Doll said...

I upgrade my boy for a man. Works wonders. ;]